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Anonymous said, "So I'm fairly sure I have vaginismus. I read some stuff on google. I'll be going to my doctor soon about it, but I just wanted to know if you guys knew anything about it or how to treat it? I'm relieved I now have a name for why I tense up when I try to have sex, but I'm also scared."

the-art-pimpette:

vaginismusandsexuality:

theladies-room:

I don’t think any of the mods have had it or know much! However 3k ladies following us might know something between them! If anyone knows anything about Vaginismus let us know!

~Trip

There are several vaginismus blogs here on tumblr, just cruise the vaginismus tags and you’ll find people who know exactly how to help you. You can drop me or any of these wonderful people a line if you have more particular questions.

I have a few tips on vaginismus treatment! My doctor told me that therapy can be a big help since vaginismus is usually (I don’t know your history so discard this if it doesn’t apply) caused by trauma, be it physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. This causes your brain to make your vaginal muscles to go “THIS IS NOT A SAFE THING, KEEP OBJECTS OUT OF ME!” and therefore causes moderate to immense pain upon penetration or even touch. Therapy can help break down those walls and give coping mechanisms to the sufferer. If you can’t afford therapy, then go online and look up coping skills for trauma victims, or even feel free to ask me, anon! :)

But I do recommend therapy, shop around for a good therapist! Getting on anxiety medication can also help as it reduces stress, but be sure you are properly diagnosed before opting for pills. I was misdiagnosed for nearly a year and on the totally wrong medication that actually aggravated my not diagnosed at the time BiPolar disorder and even worsened my vaginismus.

I’ve been trying penetration again via toys (I’m asexual but still have urges that I myself wish to deal with), I use to enjoy toy penetration but when I got vaginismus, it just wasn’t something I could enjoy anymore due to stress and pain. I managed to do some penetration lately, and I was quite proud because it showed progress.

If you’re asexual, penetrative sex isn’t a big deal because hey, you’re not exactly looking to have sex with anyone. But some of us on the spectrum still have urges and some of us like dildo penetration because the sensations are nice. So if you REALLY want to get past your vaginismus, or at least lighten the symptoms, try out the tips I mentioned.

also, even though the vagina can create it’s own lubricant, look into actual lubricants like K-Y Jelly or even the powder form lubricant J-Lube, which you only have to mix with water and can make it as thick or thin as you want the lube to be. Due to my vaginismus, no matter how much I work myself up, i can no longer penetrate without lubricant. Otherwise I actually harm myself with tears or rub burns afterwards. This is perfectly normal though, as many women with or without vaginismus need lubricant. Lubricant is you friend!

Try therapy, maybe even anxiety medication, and most of all LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! If you try penetration and it hurts, back off. Pain is a sign that your body cannot handle what’s going on and even a signal that you’re harming your body. Vaginismus may stem in the brain, but it can indeed cause physical harm if you force penetration.

I hope this helps a bit!


12 hours ago · 7 notes · originally from theladies-room

10 steps to improving your body image

plannedparenthood:

image

From the National Eating Disorder Association

  • Appreciate all that your body can do.  Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams.  Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you—running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
  • Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself—things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like.  Read your list often.  Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself.
  • Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep.  When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel.  Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
  • Look at yourself as a whole person.  When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts.  See yourself as you want others to see you–as a whole person.
  • Surround yourself with positive people.  It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you naturally are.
  • Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not “right” or that you are a “bad” person.  You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones.  The next time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations that work for you. 
  • Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body.  Work with your body, not against it.
  • Become a critical viewer of social and media messages.  Pay attention to images, slogans, or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body.  Protest these messages:  write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message
  • Do something nice for yourself—something that lets your body know you appreciate it.  Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside to relax.
  • Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others.  Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.

12 hours ago · 582 notes · originally from plannedparenthood
#i gotchu ally

10 steps to improving your body image 

plannedparenthood:

image

From the National Eating Disorder Association

  • Appreciate all that your body can do. Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams. Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you—running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
  • Keep a top-ten list of things…



Anonymous said, "Ok this is the same person who has a crush on their soccer teammate, but this has nothing to do with her. So like two nights ago three of the seniors came to my house at like 1 in the morning wearing masks that had blank faces on it and hoodies (it was some senior prank to welcome all the lower class men onto varsity). So when the came in I heard my light click on and that woke me up so I flipped over to see 3 hooded figures with the masks standing in the middle of my room. Part 2 coming on"

Part 2, So I saw them and I didn’t know what was happening because I didn’t have my contacts in so I couldn’t identify anything other than the masks and dark clothing. I screamed and I didn’t mean to, but I was terrified. And now I’m having trouble trying to sleep because I’m afraid I’m gonna see them and panic again, even tho I know now that it was just my teammates and they won’t gonna hurt me, I still can’t get over it. Do you know how I can get over it? I almost panic every night now

I haven’t really got any experience of this and if i did i’d also be appologising to several bloody faced people. That prank is SHITTY AS HELL. 

However in terms of moving on, I think installing a little lock (just the bolt type, all you need to do is screw in 4 -6 little screws into the door frame and its wood so its super easy you could even do it with a knife!) 

Other than that, soothing music to sleep too, keep a lamp on - a nightlight not an actual lamp and try spending more time in your room doing calm peaceful things - to, in a sense cleanse the space and make it feel like your own again

I’m sorry you had to deal with that sweetie :(

~Trip


13 hours ago · 0 notes

Anonymous said, "My problem's the opposite of one of the earlier asks - I'm the one who never cums. I know sex isn't just about the orgasm but... It's frustrating when I get no climax, ever, especially when my partner always gets to orgasm, sometimes multiple times in a day over the course of a few sessions."

I think the answer for you is, as its frustrating, tell him you want to put on a show, he can watch you masturbate and learn stuff (hopefully) but then if you manage to get off alone, just invite him to join in at a certain point and voila! It sounds a little like training a pet animal - but hey, whatever works, right?

~Trip

p.s you are not alone


13 hours ago · 0 notes

Anonymous said, "(Part 2)He always says the same thing- "i don't want to feel judged" and "i don't want them to decide if i'm good enough to date you or not!"! It gets us NO WHERE! I tell him that "if i like you, my family will like you! They just want to SEE you!" And he says nothing to it. I tell him we need to solve this, and come to a compromise. I have talked with him over and over before i asked you but now i'm getting desperate and wondering if you, an introvert like him, would know a different approach?"

Whoops I missed part 2 and then it deleted my reply but! My idea = 1x1 time!

Maybe he’d feel better if it wasn’t the whole family! and on their ‘territory’ 

Take sis/dad/bro/mum to one of his concerts! Then he knows they also wanna know him and his life and not just see him as an add on to you! 

As mum/dad to drive you guys somewhere scenic/historic/genericly nice, force him to ride shotgun, see some stuff you can eat lunch together and voila couple + family bonding day trip!

~Trip


13 hours ago · 0 notes

Anonymous said, "(PART 1) Kit, it's me with the 2 yr bf who won't meet family thing! THANK YOU FOR STANDING UP TO THE ANON! My bf does not have extreme anxiety or anything. He can be in very public places. Hell, he's even in a band that performs for a hundred or so people twice a week. He is just an introvert, which i understand and even like as it balances my extrovert self. I have talked to him about it over and over again. We don't fight about it, we just have a calm discussion about it."

Kit is afk! or rather blog, but from Trip

THANKS HON! Its nice to have feedback etc, anyway, mainly, I htiope he’s buttoned his damn boxers and met your goddamn family by now!

(This ask came in like 20 days ago!) 

If not kick his ass about it !

~Trip


13 hours ago · 0 notes

Anonymous said, "Maybe you could help me with this ? I'm with this guy. (we live in the uk). He's my first everything: 1st sex, bf etc. In december/january, he's leaving to new zealand on a road trip for at least 6 months (but no more than 1year). I totally support this/him. But as you might've guessed, it makes me incredibly sad. I already cried (bc we decided to end our relationship when he leaves). So yeah, do you have any tips on how I will be able to overcome this? (I'll be in college also)."

WHEEE COLLEGE IS A GOOD TIME FOR THIS TO HAPPEN! 

So, whether your 14 or 40 or the awful age of 18 (its evil i’d never send someone back) Life is too short to be moping about someone else because life goes on and if they’re having a good time then so should you.

I’d say that mainly, don’t worry about it until it happens you don’t need to feel grief for your mourning, and when it does happen just stay busy! Christmas break will be over you’ll either be coming up to AS exams, or your FMP if you’re on a BTEC (or a levels) anyway, around the time he’s due to fly, make some plans with friends, agree to go shopping this day on a day trip to london, book train tix to the new forest for a weekend of camping etc etc

Be busy = less time to be sad = less time needed to move on = also meeting new people and maybe new cute dudes!

Thats my simple advice, and i’m sure some more people will have something to suggest in the notes

~Trip


13 hours ago · 0 notes

Anonymous said, "When should I give up on the boy next door (who does not technically live next door) who is kind and loving and so good in bed? He may or may not (probably the latter) be interested in something more, but he's a fragile little thing to be approached with caution - or else he will run away."

When you get bored!  If you’re still having fun going gently gently then go forth, if you get to a point where its grating, give him the heads up of “I really like you and this is great but this is moving too slowly for me so I think its best to call it quits before aNY bad feelings happen” (and obligitory ‘we can still be friends’)

Good luck baby!

~Trip


13 hours ago · 1 note

Anonymous said, "I'm about to go on my second date with this guy who really seems to like me, but I'm a little more uncertain. He's a great guy and has all the qualities I'd love to have in a partner, but I'm just not sure if I have feelings for him. Obviously 2nd date is still early on and things might change, but I don't want to lead him on if it's not right for me—even though I'd love to like him that way! Is there a point when I should give up on the lovey-dovey feels ever happening?"

I would just go for it, if after 5 or 6 dates you’re still a bit ‘meh’ then let him know its been fun but you don’t think its going to go anywhere,

On the other hand, if you’re enjoying his company etc well enough then just go on forth my friend! When/if you both get far enough and the time comes for the ‘what is our relationship’ conversation you can deal with it then but honestly, for now,  dont fret! JUST ENJOY! 

Not all relationships have to be the same or look or feel the same, they can still be fun, fulfilling and valid even if they aren’t all straight out of “love actually”

~Trip


13 hours ago · 0 notes

I’m just going to close the inbox until we get it down to under 30 messages again, bear with us

~Trip


13 hours ago · 0 notes

Anonymous said, "Last night I got fingered for the first time ever and this morning i'm bleeding heaps, I was bleeding a bit last night too… Is it cause I've never had anything up there before? like never used a tampon either..?"

It sounds like your period tbh! 

If it was soft tissue damage from insane friction or something you a) probably would have felt it happening at the time

b) it would probably hurt as hell now especially for it still to be bleeding!

Wait it out, if its not painful, it seems like your period! If it doesn’t go away like a regular period, feels weird etc Go to your doctor !

~Trip


13 hours ago · 2 notes

mylifeasafeminista:

daily reminder that it is okay to put yourself first

reblogging this because my hiatus continues. sorry for not being around everyone, but i gotta focus on my own madness <3 msg my personal if you wanna chat though!

-Plethorian

(via booksnbutterbeer)



"No one will miss me", "I’m better off dead"

after-crisis:

When I worked at a non-profit that handled suicide prevention, I had access to the donation records. Each month, a specific man donated 15$ to our organization. It was like clockwork.. same day, same man, he had been doing this for over 4 years. It always seemed odd to me but I never questioned it… until I saw a note attached one month. "For Noah- Dad"

his donation was once his child’s allowance.

I can promise you, they would miss you for the rest of their lives.

(via go-reach-do)


16 hours ago · 42,776 notes · originally from after-crisis

Anonymous said, "How long after a yeast infection can you have sex again"

Follow the packaging, I’m imagining as soon as you’ve finished your coruse of treatment!
~Trip


16 hours ago · 0 notes