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First Time

Disclaimer: Medical advice given on this blog is not meant to replace professional information from a healthcare specialist.

Anonymous said, "I just wanted to (over)share and say that I've had awful fucking pre-period gas and cramps and I just took the biggest shit ever and oh my god I feel like I lost ten pounds and my stupid bloating is gone and it's amazing. Fuck period shits."

Nah, man. Period shits are a spiritual experience.

Usually when the time for period shits comes around, I am pissed as fuck. I am on a rampage. And if anyone dares throw some shit back at me I will cry and wail until they feel so bad about themselves they wish they had a motherfucking time machine to just go back and walk away instead of standing up to me.

And half my mood is because I’m carrying around about two solid pounds of toxic sludge in my abdomen, and it’s making me bloated as hell. My stomach hurts, my farts are spicy, and my goddamn favorite dark wash skinny jeans don’t fit and those were exactly what I was gonna wear today, motherfucker.

But then, I feel that pressure on my asshole. And it’s time, man. None of that other shit matters now. I’m about to take a dump.

So I go ahead and just take off my underwear and pants because what’s the point? They’re just in the way. Kick them off, baby! You’re free. Settle in on the toilet with your phone. Browse Reddit a bit while everything just really settles back there and gets prepared. Take some deep breaths like you’re about to have a baby. Ground yourself in the moment.

Then it comes. Just nasty, bubbly, farty liquid shit. Liquid always comes first. And you squirt the last of that out of your asshole like kids blow raspberries with milk in their mouth, and then the solids come. You can like, feel them sliding across your transverse colon and down into your sigmoid. You know it’s gonna hurt, but you’re gonna feel so good after, like when someone pops your back. And that torpedo is a hefty fucker, man. Your asshole is stretched to its limits. I can’t take a dick in my ass without being a huge baby about it but goddamn I have pushed out some loaves the circumference of my forearm and just as long. And as soon as that thing plops in the toilet, it’s like nothing in the world ever mattered. Some more liquid dribbles out, and your asshole is all like stretched and shit, but your colon is fucking empty and squeaky clean and your poop chute can finally relax.

You treat yourself by wiping with some wet wipes instead of cheap ass toilet paper. Sometimes, you gotta strip down and just hop in the shower to spray some warm water on your poor, sore butthole. And that’s cool. That’s great. You earned it, champ.

Then you’re in a great mood for the rest of the day. And the next day the shit will all build up again and you’ll get to do it all over.

- Kit

Anonymous said, "Hi there! I am currently on Marvelon birth control pills, and am experiencing constipation, cramping and excessive bloating on the third strip of pills. I only ever have these symptoms the week before my withdrawal bleed and it is a very uncomfortable week for me. I have gained a little weight on this pill and feel lousy this week with all my symptoms. Is this normal, or should I be concerned? Oh, been on it for 3 months!"

These are all common symptoms on birth control, though I don’t know to what extent you experiencing them personally. I would discuss it with your doctor and consider changing brands. But as I understand what you’re going through now, it’s just very uncomfortable and not health-threatening.

- Kit

Anonymous said, "What a hedonism party? The guy that invited me to one would only say that drinking was the least of everything that happened. (And yes, I googled it, but all that came up was the Hedonism Resort in Jamaca... Not sure if it's along the same lines...?)"


You can probably safely assume there will be a lot of sex and recreational drugs.

- Kit

Anonymous said, "I accidentally cut myself shaving down there and I'm not too sure whether I should put something on it? Will it get infected or something?? Xx"

I’m sure you’re fine, but if you really want to I guess you could put a on a band-aid? Depending on where exactly the cut is. And just keep yourself really clean for the next couple days.


Anonymous said, "So when me and my boyfriend first started having sex and did like doggy style it always felt so good but now it feels like so intense that if he goes deep it starts to like hurt somehow but it's not like super painful idk how to explain. But why is it that happened??"

He’s probably hitting your cervix.

- Kit

1 day ago · 1 note

Anonymous said, "Is it normal to have like... Really bad gas cramps before/during your period? I've never had them before :x"

VEEEERY normal!


1 day ago · 1 note

Anonymous said, "so i'm a plus size lady and i was always really uncomfortable going sleeveless or showing extra skin but since moving to southern california (it's been warm/hot all year) i kept getting bumps from where the sweat was clogging my pores. i know a lot of thin girls who felt the same way about their arms so i guess this is a PSA for everyone to let go of their insecurities and dress for the weather!!!"

Hella yeah! Health and comfort first, socially-enforced oppressive body images way later. ;)


Anonymous said, "How to approach a guy first?"


I’m not sure why their being a guy has anything to do with how you would treat them. Nor that you (presumably as a female) approaching a guy is exceptional or requires special consideration.

Approach openly, be friendly, flirt, and if you get positive responses, ask if they are interested in hanging out/dating/fucking/riding a centaur into the sunset. Be a decent human being to other human beings.


Anonymous said, "I'm in a tricky position with my s/o of nearly four years. I haven't been kissed in nearly a month. I cannot engage with him what he needs or how he's feeling without him making me feel like I am harassing him. Today I cried like a child because I saw his following list on Instagram is all gorgeous selfie queens. I don't know how to step out of this relationship, because I don't know how I am meant to fix it. Please pat my head and tell me I'm not a horrible monster."

Yo, I think you need to have this conversation with your partner! Regardless of whether you feel you’re bothering him with your feelings, this is absolutely something you need to sit down with him and figure out. If you want, the conversation can revolve around fixing the current issues, or about whether to break up. Just talk to your partner and get it done so you can stop feeling like all the burden is on your shoulders! Relationship troubles should be shared 50/50. 

Check out our communciation tag to see how to initiate the conversation, and check out this link for a sassy guide on communicating with your partner.


Anonymous said, "I'm 17, and I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I always get razor burn. I have scars from it now too and it's very embarrassing. I exfoliate, and use shaving cream and shave with the hair. But I still can't seem to escape razor burn. What else can I do to help prevent the little bumps and ingrown hairs?"

It happens to everyone! Check our shaving tag or our articles section, there’s a lot on this blog thrown around about how to make shaving easier and less painful! :) Also don’t be embarrassed about it, everyone gets it and it’s totally normal. You should see (but not really) my crotch! Full of little dots and scars from various types of hair removal. I’m like a connect-the-dot game.


the-olivia said, "In response to the vegetarianism question/concern: I agree with Kit that you should look into counseling, but I'm a vegetarian too, and I know that feeling. Sometimes you really just have to sit back and realize that it's your body. You're allowed to eat whatever you want. Some days, you're gonna eat things you normally don't (such as meat, or even sweets or a bunch of snacks), but that's okay. Nothing is wrong with eating meat if that's what you want to do. :)"

2 days ago · 0 notes

sulliv-n said, "(1) a while ago i asked you guys if wearing certain bras during puberty can change the way your boobs look when you're done growing (i asked on anon tho cause i was shy but i'm not shy anymore lol) and you said that with daily breast massages i might be able to change the shape of them and i've been wearing a sports bra for about a month and i've noticed a difference, i haven't really been doing breast massages but i'm sure those would help too. i wasn't happy with my boobs because they were too"

(2) triangular on my chest for me and i wanted them to sit more like teardrops and they do that now. i think i was wearing the wrong size bra too because i constantly had boob spillage and all my bras were pushup bras with thick padding at the bottom so i think that caused my boobs to sit weird on my chest too because my boobs couldn’t just sit normally on my chest. i’m going to be shopping for new bras soon and get fitted to avoid those problems in the future

That sounds great! You are completely right, obviously we wear bras day in and day out, because of the nature of fat, it will moulded and can be moved around, people at a regular weight find when they start wearing the right size bra, what they thought were ‘armpit’ fat deposits were just part of the breast squished down and out!

Hell yeah for boob shaping


Anonymous said, "I don't have an eating disorder, and I don't feel shame when I eat "forbidden foods" because the only food that's forbidden is meat, which I don't eat at all. I'm just sick of always having to make sure there's a meatless option if I'm going to a restaurant, or a party, or visiting family... I WANT to eat meat, but I don't because I'm vegetarian. Having a restrictive diet is the whole point. But I still feel bad for the treatment of animals (and like I said, can't afford free-range)."

So, I can’t really give you much of a sympathetic answer, I’m vegan ergo, you have literally 3 options

  1. Stop being vegetarian and go back to eating meat, fish & gelatine 
  2. Stay vegetarian and betray ethics when you need to and eat as you please
  3. Just stick to the life style choice you made

You haven’t really said why you want to eat meat, is the only reason because its hassle to find vegetarian options? You want to eat meat but don’t want to because you’re vegetarian? Vegetarian is a label you gave yourself when you made your diatary choice, you can just take it away if you want to eat meat? 

I don’t really understand the logic hear, but IMO if you’re going to eat meat it doesn’t make that much difference with free-range as they all end up in the same slaughterhouse so if you’re going to do it, just do it. No one else can make that decision for you and if you really can’t decide just trial it, try not being vegetarian for 2 weeks, try being “vegetarian” and eating eating meat/fish/gelatin when you want too and if it feels really wrong just go back to being veggie.

Obviously you didn’t extrapolate on the health reasons, if a doctor gave you a spersific diet i’d also obviously talk to them first before making any decisions


2 days ago · 0 notes

Anonymous said, "This isn't a lady problem, but I need some advice. I've been a vegetarian for a couple years (for both ethical and health reasons) but now I think I want to go back to eating meat. Whenever I eat I feel like there's this thing weighing over me with all the food that I'm not allowed to have, and I hate it. I just want to eat what I like and not worry about it all the time. But I wouldn't be able to afford free-range meat or anything, plus it feels like failing. Help me figure out what to do?"

I think counseling would be a good first step. Your experience with having a sense of shame or failure when eating “forbidden foods” is a trait of a restrictive eating disorder.

- Kit

2 days ago · 2 notes

Anonymous said, "My relationship ended last week. It was amicable, a mutual decision, and it really is for the best. Problem is, while I've had relationships end before, none of them were with a person I felt so strongly for as him. I still love him completely. We have close mutual friends, we'll probably see each other nearly weekly, and the way things ended, there's no negative feelings towards him. I stand by the decision, but I'm still head over heels for him. I don't see how I can let go and get over him."

Not to get too philosophical on you, but like with everything, it will pass, and it will pass with time.

It’s like that scene in Spongebob where they have to run through the perfume department to escape the Flying Dutchman’s ship, you know? It’s gonna suck like a bitch and you’re gonna cry at some point, but you just gotta take a deep breath and run through the damn thing. You’ll escape eventually. Even if you smell like shitty dying flowers at the end. Gross.

(It’ll get easier and you’ll adjust, don’t sweat.)