(Part 2) photos is really getting to me.. he insists he doesn’t want to be with anyone else and that he doesn’t like anyone else, but I find it hard to believe that you’d seek out certain people but not have a ‘thing’ for them. This may be silly, but I am kinda bummed out about it.. Any advice? Am I being silly? Thank you <3

———-

You’re definitely not being silly. There’s a difference between looking at porn or fantasizing about celebrities or whatever and masturbating to people you actually know. With his friends on Facebook, he theoretically has a chance to hook up with them. He knows them and has seen them in real life and talked to them. I agree with you that it’s hard to believe he’s not interested in someone else when he’s getting off to their pictures.

This isn’t something to throw away a 2-year-long relationship over, but you should definitely try talking to him again and telling him how you feel. If he takes the time to understand your point of view, then it shouldn’t be a problem for him to just find something else to masturbate to. I mean, how would he feel if he found out you masturbated to pictures of guys you know?

If he still refuses to listen and it’s really that big of a deal for him to masturbate to these pictures, even though he knows it makes you uncomfortable, then that would send up some red flags. If he cares that much, then who’s to say he wouldn’t actually have sex with one of these girls if given the chance? And it’s likely that he COULD be given the chance, since he knows them. At that point you might have to give him an ultimatum.

Either way, let us know how everything goes!

-Alyssa

Super conflicted 

(Last night me and my bf of 4 months had our first fight over some miscommunications, but after we talked it out we had awesome sex. This morning I found out that he went out to eat with a girl this past week on the day that he had “forgotten” to hang out with me. I’m starting to feel the waves of jealousy come over me hard core, so how should I approach this? We just got over a huge fight :( )

This is a submission rather than an ask, so I’ll just have to edit it with my comments on here! Hopefully you still see this! 

I know it sucks because you just put a bandaid over the wound, but unfortunately the only way to really get to the bottom of this is to do just that. Get to the bottom of it. It doesn’t have to be a big scandal, and you can try to avoid a fight by being unaggressive about the issue, and approaching with tact. I don’t know how you found out that he had  been with this girl, but you don’t want to blurt out that you know about her and accuse him of anything. He’ll think you’re going behind his back and assuming the worst.

Maybe politely inquire as to whether he knows this girl, and whether he has ever met her before? Politely, of course. Just let him know that you care a lot about him, and about hanging out with him, and that you’re sorry there’s been this whole mix up, but that you’re confused and want to clear up a couple points, get on the same page! Tell him you just want to make sure everything is understood correctly so that the miscommunication doesn’t happen again, and you just were confused about whether he hung out with this girl or not. From there, you can discuss what happened that day and who this girl is, etc. 

Just try to remain calm and open minded, and be tactful so he doesn’t get defensive! Best of luck!

-Plethorian

(Upset about his job… He’s never been mean to me before, and we were both upset and angry and stressed out. But right now things are really tense between us… Are we falling apart? What should I do?)

Chances are, you’re not falling apart unless you take the fighting further. I don’t know what your relationship is like, and I certainly don’t know what you two are like as people, but bad situations and big upsets leave everyone feeling really emotional and angry and sad. Unfortunately, it looks like you both took it out on each other! But that doesn’t mean everything’s lost. Take a chance to step back from the situation. You won’t be able to calmly resolve this fight until you’ve had a chance to step away and take a deep breath. When both your boyfriend and you have had a chance to let the initial frustration go, let each other know why you said those things you said. Explain that you’re sorry about what you said, and that you’re also sorry that he’s feeling so upset that he said those mean things to you. Explain that you don’t want this to ever happen again, and that it was likely a result of high tensions. 

Fights will happen when you or your boyfriend are upset about something. What’s important is to try and remain calm and not take it out on each other, and if you do, take a deeeeeep breath, step away for a bit, and then come back and calmly explain what just happened so you can avoid it ever happening again.

-Plethorian

Daw, that’s so cute! :) Congrats! 

As I see it, there are two major ways to go about this. One is the actual “conversation” as you put it. When you’re both relaxed and have some time together, ask him what he wants out of this relationship. Tell him what you’d like to happen! Say you want to go on dates and get official, or ask him whether he’d be into something more than casual. 

Second option: skip the conversation part! Just flat out ask, “So am I your girlfriend yet?” The pros of this one is that there’s less touchy-feeliness risk, and a yes/no response. It also puts some pressure off of him when you might have said “So you’re my boyfriend now, right?” Because this may come off as aggressive and presumptuous. If he says you’re his girlfriend, then he’s definitely your boyfriend! :)

Good luck and carry on being cute! 

Plethorian

(continued) but is that really a prerequisite for living together? I’m very happy when I’m with him and we’re both pretty crunched for time due to living about 40 minutes apart/both having jobs etc. I’m just not sure how to figure out if this is a good move or not. Please help. <3

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I think that sounds like a great idea, as long as you’re both up for it. You don’t necessarily have to want to marry someone in order to move in with them. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable around him. When you live with someone, they’re going to find out all your bad habits and you’re going to find out theirs. If you leave your dirty underwear all over or drink milk straight out of the carton or need special shampoo for your out-of-control dandruff, he’ll know. If your period sneaks up on you and you get blood on your sheets (and toilet seat and pajamas), he’ll know. If you eat something that upsets your stomach and your farting/pooping stinks up the bathroom, he’ll know. He’ll see you when you don’t have any makeup on, when you haven’t washed your hair in three days, and when you’ve had a hard day and feel like eating half a pie by yourself.

If you’re ok with all of that, as well as knowing you’re going to have to do some serious compromising when it comes to groceries and decorating and all that, then go for it!

-Alyssa

Ok so I had to look up Chaturbate and it looks like it’s just a thing where people go on webcam for a chatroom and do sexual things.

I can see why you’d think it’s different from porn since it’s a little more interactive, but from my point of view, you’re not doing anything wrong. The person on the webcam isn’t doing things specifically for you, they’re doing things for whoever might be watching. They don’t know you or what you look like or anything, so there’s nothing personal about it. It’s different from porn because you’re watching everything live, but that’s about it.

If you’re really worried, maybe you should tell your guy about it to see what he says. I’m sure he won’t care and it’ll put your mind at ease.

-Alyssa

That was so rude of him. You don’t need to be dating anybody who tries to police your body/weight or make comments about your appearance that make you feel self-conscious. It’s totally possible that he was just joking or didn’t think you’d get upset about it, so you should tell him how he made you feel. Give him a chance to explain what he meant and let him know that you want him to lay off. But if he’s “on your ass about everything” and it makes you unhappy, then maybe you shouldn’t be with him anymore.

-Alyssa

I would essentially say exactly what you’ve said to us. If you invite her to a day out, you mean her, not she and her boyfriend. Say you’d prefer some proper girl time, with girls, etc. I’ve found that polite subtle hints are completely lost on some people and it’s much easier to just say what you feel. I might not be the best to answer this, as I’m pretty straight with people, but if any other mods or followers have any ideas, feel free to pitch in.
-Becca 

Either way, she has to know. I would advise that you tell this boy to tell her himself and be the bigger person, or you’ll do it for him. If it comes to you telling her, be sure to mention the fact that you didn’t know, and that you tried to get him to tell her first. If you have any evidence of the relationship (text messages, etc), hold onto those and show them to her. Whilst she might not even believe you, it might place enough doubt in her mind to confront him herself and then, I think, it’ll be pretty hard for him to deny it. Good luck darling!
-Becca 

Hard money answer here - you’re not in a relationship with him and you’re not in a position, platonic relationship wise, to really bring up your concerns (ironically if you’re good friends with someone its still not really helpful or easy to bring up such concerns) so alas I’m sorry to tell you you’ll have to leave it, let him life his own life and make his own choices, or mistakes and if you care to a sincere enough degree you could be there for him if and when it call goes south, but other than that, there’s not a lot you can do I’m afraid to report!

~Trip

Hey if it was bright red then it does sound like it was a tear of some sort!  There are a variety of places on the body where bleeding is over zealous and out of whack with the size of the injury, I’d guess the vagina was one of them! I’d say just take it easy for a few days to let it heal and then, as you were! 

~Trip

p.s congrats on the sex!

Okay, while there is nothing actually wrong with people, in relationships or otherwise visiting strip clubs if you feel like its breached your terms of monogamy or breached trust in your relationship your feelings are 110% valid (as feelings always are!) you are also perfectly welcome to be peeved if he spent an important anniversary of your relationship at a strip club instead of doing something more platonic.

My suggestion is to talk to him and outline your feelings (whether its trust/monogamy breach or spending your anniversary at a club, or even just not mentioning it to you and ergo you feel like hes hiding it) and find away forward (provided you previously know what you want i.e would you like to ban strip clubs from your relationship, or an apology or more transparency between you both etc)

Good luck lovely!

~Trip

Relax relax relax RELAX!!

Aside from being emotionally and mentally relaxed and ready, being physically ready is a A++ lots of foreplay you enjoy and buying lube may be of help as vagina’s and vulva’s can be mysterious things and even if you are turned on a lot may not lubricate enough! 

Enjoy! 

~Trip

Hey nonny! I would hate to give you advice on how to lose weight when you sound so happy in yourself! & to me it also sounds like thats not really what you were asking.. In my opinion you sound happy enough in yourself that losing weight probably isn’t the symptomatic solution but instead just the most obvious one, may I suggest instead you reassess your wardrobe! 

First, take a piece of paper and note down:

What you ‘think’ your wardrobe consists of 

What you wear

How what you wear makes you look (in your opinion) 

and how it makes you feel (other than just, not great looking) 

then, go to your wardrobe and note down whats actually in it, as in items and their style etc how you normally put them together and how a variety of individual pieces make you feel. 

I know buying a whole new wardrobe isn’t an option for most people but think of that as the end goal all the same, put outfits together differently, rethink what you wear now, take some time to think about ‘how’ you want to look, why you want to look that way, research style tips (pintrest or vintage/60’s/fashion forward tumblrs might help here!) and when it does come down to buying new items, before you go take at least twenty minuets to think about what would be a good addition to your wardrobe as it is or what would be a good addition to your desired “You”.

Also it may be worth researching for how to dress for your ‘body type’ if the literal way your body presents in your clothes is a problem for you!

Of course come back to us if you do want information on weight loss or anything else!

~Trip

Hey lady! My advice to turn banging into love making (not that I have a lot of experience with the latter) is to just take things more slowly and add some prep! 

Light some candles and have some essential oils diffusing, maybe some gentle music in the background, offer to give your other half a message and then, if you both want too, swap - buy a massage bar, they are the best for this! 

As a lead up it should leave you both pretty relaxed and amorous rather than like race cars! Just take the second act slow and take your time over everything from kissing them or spending time just caressing and stroking their skin. Try a position that’s easy for both of you and allows for a lot of skin on skin contact or eye contact and kissing (first that comes to mind is either a spooning like position or missionary) 

My only other idea is to have sex in the morning or on a lazy and warm afternoon - if you have those where you are.

Followers? 

~Trip